I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
