dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
