I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
