Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
