i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
