Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
