Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
