you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
