tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
