who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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