Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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