I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
