I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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