I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
