Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Enjoy the penises
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
