o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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