What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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