my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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