2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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