dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
