I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
