if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
