U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
