White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
