Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
