According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
