He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
