you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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