i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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