Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
