I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
