I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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