I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
