he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
