Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
