We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
