clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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