nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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