This girl is more easily done than said...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
