U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
