yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
