Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
