Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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