Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
