at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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