sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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