life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
