the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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