Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
