Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
