a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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