so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
