I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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