I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
