I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
