Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
