I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
