Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
