i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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