barbara walters just said penis...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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