It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
